Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wednesday 9/5/12

Hello out there!
I hope you all are doing well and life is going ah-mazingly!! 
I am back.....we will see.....I figure I will update you all on where I am at now a days!

Nothing much has really changes in my life...lately. I have been trying to grasp the emotional side of weight loss. This is probably the most challenging part of the whole thing. 

As of Friday 8/31/12:

Weighed in at: 171.4 lbs (size 14 pant size)
This means as of 8/31/12 I have lost a total of 108.6 lbs (2010 - 280 lbs, size 24 TIGHT pant size) since 2010

This has been a hard adjustment for me. I have issues when I look in the mirror still...sometime I feel skinny...and sometime I feel like the Big girl still. It is very challenging to me. I am trying to accept compliments now as well...sometime they get away from me but I am trying my best to let them absorb...because in reality my mind is messed up, outsiders are seeing me for what I really look like. Yes are can fit into tight are beautiful. LOL! 

When I was 108 lbs heavier I got, "Oh yeah she is amazing, she has a awesome personality." other people who are morbidly obese may get "She has a pretty face" I never really looked at it in a bad way until now really....that is really peoples nice way of saying "She's FAT" It is something I can't get out of my head. I revert back to it now even, when people tell me how good I look or how beautiful I am. This is what I am trying to overcome. 

This isn't a joke to me...this is my life. This is everything I have lived. I am not hiding anymore. I have image issues. I always have. I don't want this to rub off on my daughter, that is why I am trying to work it out now. I want Madi to be confident with herself, to know what healthy is. She deserves to have a chance to live her life to the fullest...I don't want her to have to go through the same torture I went through in elementary and middle school. I want her to respect her body. All I can do is teach her what I know. She is a beautiful, amazing little girl and probably will conquer the world...and I want her to believe that she can! 

Over this past 8-9 months I have had A LOT of support. I have made new friends and have lost some. This is life, people come and go. I realize now it is ok to part ways sometimes. Sometimes people are just there to make a mark on your life good or bad for a tiny bit of time....some are there for a lifetime. I appreciate all of you that have been there for me whether it had been for 5 minutes or 5 years. Times change people change and that is ok. 

I hope I will be able to keep this posting up again. It feels good to get it out sometimes. 

You define your own life.  Don’t let other people write yourlife’s story for you. -

Thank you for reading.